Bonjour!

So I went to the supermarket after work today and was minding my own business, listening to my ipod to protect my fragile ears from the harsh j-pop tunes peircing through the dodgy supermarket speakers and I noticed that I was being followed by an oldish Japanese lady. I know what you're thinking, "Andrew you are the sexiest man in the world, surely this is not unfamiliar to a dreamboat like you!" and you would be correct, however this was not ordinary stalker. In addition to wearing enough perfume and make-up for a thousand princesses/prostitutes she had like 10 handbags. Bitch, I only had 3.

Anyways, she came up to me after about 15 minutes of my less than stealthy avoidance tactics and said some bullshit in French (this is debatable given that I can't speak French). Then she said in Japanese, "are you French?" Despite me saying that no, I was not French, she continued to speak French to me. My Japanese is OK so I was able to say "I'm not French, and I can't speak French. I'm Australian and I can speak some Japanese (so fucking stop speaking to my in French you retard)" Unfortunately I can't say "I can't speak French and additionally I don't want you to start teaching me here in the supermarket thank you very much" because the freak pulled out her French text-book and started translating from French to Japanese. I'm like, "Jeez, I need to shop" and she's like "bonjour!" For fuck sake.

Then she pulls out a train map of our area and starts writing how many gaijin (non-japs) she knows that live at each station. I'm like, "you've done this before, hey?" and she's like "oui!" Her map is gonna be a total lie now though cos when she asked me where I live I told her another station. I'm too smart for her sneaky ways.