Mini-breaks and broken dreams...

Ages ago me and Carrie planned to go to Kyoto and have a mini-break. We hadn't been before and everyone raves about Kyoto so we were pretty excited about it. Plus Momo was roaming Japan and we were going to meet up there and discover our sexual selves. Everything was going so according to plan, we had the time off, we had the hotel booked and the shinkansen tickets in our sexy hands.

Andrew: What bitch?

Carrie: I can not believe that we successfully rendezvoused at a pre-arranged time and place.

Andrew: Shut-up. I totally know. Because we are amazing. What time is it?

Carrie: Um. It's like 11.25. Our train leaves in like 1 minute.

Andrew: Hot. That means we have enough time to get beer.

Carrie: You know it bitch.

Throw into the mix a lack of medication for our hyperactivity and some booze and then things started to get chaotic. For the first 24 hours the chaos was sexy and not unlike that which we are accustomed to. Such as being drunk before lunch time. Such as spending more time taking photos of ourselves than doing anything else. Such as leaving my hat on the train and not even caring cos compared to all the other shit I have left around this country a hat isn't worth bitching about. Such as needing to take a nap after being in Kyoto for about 3 hours. Such as squirreling around one of the most amazing temples in Japan taking selfies and stalking school girls and getting up close with police.

Carrie: Smile like you mean it bitch.

Policeman: Sweetheart we can be doing better things with our time.

Carrie: Like what?

Policeman: Go and stand over near that rail.

Carrie: This one?

Policeman: Yeah bitch. Bend a bit. OK now wait. I left some school-girls around here some where.

School-girl 1: We're here bitch and if you come near us again we'll cut your dick off. You said you loved us.

Policeman: Come on girls...don't be like that. I'm with you. She's nothing to me.

School-girl 2: Really?

policeman: She just fell down drunk anyways.

School-girl 3: Word. It's on bitch.

All this before we had rendezvoused with Momo. The rest was still to come. So Momo arrived at our hotel during our rejuvenating power-naps and off we went to explore Kyoto. Well, at least to find some more beer. The shit in to mini-bar was out of our price-range and out hotel room was already a filthy den of slack. So we hit up a games parlour and banged some drums, then boozed up in Karaoke...

Momo: I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.

Andrew: Same.

Carrie: That temple today was so golden.

Andrew: I know. Gold is hot.

Carrie: Yeah.

Andrew: What were you doing with that policeman.

Carrie: Shut-up and sing.

Andrew: Hey since we are givers and not takers we should go here.

Carrie: Yeah. We are so not selfish.

Momo: It's selfish-cream time.

Carrie and Andrew: You know it.

And finally after discovering the selfishness within Momo cut loose...

Momo: Word. I think I think I got my groove back.

After avoiding a very close-call the next morning when nut-allergic-Momo ate a scone with nuts in it at Starbucks we did some stuff. Fun stuff with temples and ice-creams and eventually more beer.

Momo: What the fuck is this?

Andrew: Green-tea ice-cream.

Momo: It smells like busted-ass.

Andrew: Totally.

Momo: I love it.

Andrew: Same.

Momo: Go check in that dragon fountain to see if it's got vodka in it.

Andrew: K.

Andrew: It's just water.

Momo: Fuck. I need a drink.

Andrew: Same. Go ask those school-girls.

Momo: K.

Momo: Hey bitches. Got any booze?

School-girl 1: No bitch we were going to ask you the same question.

Momo: Fuck. Let's pose.

School-girls: K.

After we finished doing that we went and did some more drinking, and then met Stella and Dara, my friends from up here who moved to Kyoto a little while ago. We decided to meet the next day at their place so that we could have a slumber party and do some stuff. Like look at temples again. Anyway after getting super-lost for our first arranged meeting we tried as hard as we could to get to their place earlyish to make the most of our last full day in Kyoto. Who were we kidding? We got there at about 2pm and set off for the first in a long list of temples we were gonna check out.

Andrew: Try not to get too much of the temple and the garden in the picture.

Carrie: Word.

Stella: I think we are maybe the cutest couple in Kyoto.

Dara: Maybe? Fucking Maybe? Damn right we are. Fuck. And try the cutest couple in the world.

Stella: Love you bitch.

Carrie: What's up? You need more beer?

Andrew: No. I have this strange feeling that whilst being carried along by the spirit of adventure of the past few days that we have lost something.

Carrie: No that was our souls.

Andrew: No. That's not it. It's something else.

Carrie: Our dignity?

Andrew: No.

Carrie: Our self-respect?

Andrew: No.

Carrie: Our shinkansen tickets?

Andrew: Fuck no bitch. What sort of fucktards would lose shinkansen tickets?

Carrie: Word. You do just need more beer.

Andrew: Totally.

As it turns out we did lose our shinkansen tickets. And the train company are tough bitches and there was not loving going on when we went to the station the next morning to go home. None. Well there was a bit. But not much. We found out that we could fork out ¥12000 for the cheap seats on the shinkansen, or ¥6000 for the bus. ¥6000 difference, and also the bus was about 6 hours longer. Filthy. But since we never catch the bus maybe we had this romantic idea of what it might be like. It sucked.

Carrie: So now we have 8 hours to take a long hard look at ourselves.

Andrew: That's true. And at least we learned a valuable lesson about losing things.

Carrie: Yeah. But shouldn't you have learnt that lesson like 100 times.

Andrew: Not for shinkansen tickets. Only wallets, hats, phones, keys, self-control.

Carrie: Oh yeah. That shinkansen was too fast anyway.

Andrew: Word.

Carrie: I love the bus.

Andrew: Totally.

Andrew: Are you washing away the bitter regret with sweet, sweet ice-cream?

Carrie: Yeah. And also I'm pondering my reflection in the window.

Andrew: And what do you see?

Carrie: I see a woman who is merely a shadow of the woman I admired in the window of the shinkansen only days ago. And I see a woman on the verge of something amazing. But I also see a woman lost in the wilderness.

Andrew: I'm all about the wilderness. I'll help you find yourself.

Carrie: OK. That really means a lot to me.

Andrew: Whatever. Anyways I think maybe the bus window is like really dirty.

Carrie: Fuck. I hate the bus.

Andrew: Same.

Momo in da house (of the rising sun)

Last week my gorgeous friend Moumita hauled ass from Sydney to Japan on her love-tour. She got here on the 12th and changed Japan forever. Being the whirlwind that she is so far she has seen about 24323458929438231 more things than me thanks in part to her JR pass which gets her on any shinkansen (bullet train) to wherever, whenever she wants. Bitch. Anyways, we have boozed up in the sexiest of bars from Tokyo to Kyoto and with old and new friends. Here are the highlights so far...

Momo at Matsuya eating Gyudon (beef bowls) and loving it.


Momo and me at this place near my house. I have no idea what it's called. But it's super-dooper tops.


Momo and my friend Shoji at the afore-mentioned super-dooper tops bar.


Me and Momo.


The reason this bar is so super-dooper is because of the gigantic beer towers that cost ¥3000 which is a steal. So good.


Me and Momo at another bar near my place before being serenaded by J-boys singing Jet and various other Australian rock tunes. They loved it.


The crazy singing J-boys and moi.