Ryan-san meets Fuji-san!

So Ryan got here last Thursday and over his 5 day cameo we managed to sqeeze in a fair chunk of what Tokyo and the surrounding area has to offer. Well, what it has to offer to people who don't care for culture, horizon-widening, or international understanding. The first day he was here we pretty much only shopped. The best places to shop as far as I am concerned are Shibuya, the road between Shibuya and Harajuku (Jingu Dori), Omotesando in Harajuku and Aoyama, and Ginza. So that's what we did.

Sunday we ferreted around Harajuku again, went to Meiji Jingu, laughed at the cos-play nerds and secretly wished we had contact lenses that made our eyes look like thay were bleeding.

After getting on the cans between Harajuku and Shibuya we were drunk enough to buy sexy gloves and for Ryan to buy an Ipod Nano. We hit up Shinjuku later that night, got completely hammered, I had a tantrum and blasted my friend Shoji, then we went to a Karaoke room and fell asleep until the morning when we caught the first train home. I knew there was a reason I hadn't been getting my all-nighter groove back. They only end in tears. Fun but embarassing. Sorry Shoji!!!

After apologising like crazy to Shoji for being a dick we cruised in his hot ride down to Fuji to go to Fuji-Q Highlands. The best theme-park ever, and possibly the most beautiful drive I have ever been on.


　
I really don't think Fuji-Q really has a soul, but that's OK cos we have enough soul to go around! We hate fighting with bears too, which is good cos at Fuji-Q it's forbidden.


Fuji-Q is home to the biggest roller-coaster in the world and that is the most important thing. There is also a ride called Dodonpa that goes from stationary to 170km/h in less than 2 seconds. Absolutely fucked up. The views of Mt Fuji only added to to magic. And where there is magic there is ice-skating! This was the first time I have skated in the open air so I was pretty blown away by it all.



Since Ryan's giant clown feet didnt really squish into the ice-skates, he took off to ride another crazy ride me and Shoji didnt care for. While he was doing that I saw a guy lose it on the ice and smash teeth first into the ice. I skated over to him quickly to ask if he was ok, only for him to raise his face from his lap to tell me that yes, he was OK while his mouth spilled blood like Fuji would have spilled barbeque-rocks when it was active. So filthy. Not to mention that the park people didnt clean the blood of the ice. Gross. Bet the toothless terror would have appreciated my gold nugget.


We then took off to Gotemba to shop a bit more at the best outlet mall ever, and thento Yokohama where we got oh so busy at...wait for it....wait for it...FUCKING MOTHER-FUCKING SIZZLER. I'm not even joking. Sizzler is totally what Central Coast dreams are made of.


But now Ryan has gone back to the UK and will be sadly missed until I go to London in 2 weeks. You are so jealous that you are dying inside. I can hear your whimpering from here. Dry your eyes princesses.

Ooooh...a gold nugget. Joyful!

So today I was at a bakery on the way to work picking up some bad-ass cinnamon danishes when what do I see but a gold nugget laying before my very feet. Not really a Leprechaun sized nugget though, more like a fairy's nugget. Fairies don't really have pots'o'gold so I should have known that perhaps it was not a dream come true, as I first beleived. Then I turned it over and discovered the rotting tooth inside. So rank. I can not believe that someone was retarded enough to lose their golden tooth. Fuck me. So I quickly dropped the filthy golden nugget, instantly wishing that golden opportunity had passed me by.

And in other news Ryan is here, well he's in Osaka at the moment. So that was a lie. But he will be back very soon which is lucky because we have some very busy days ahead of us.

It's Tool Time!

It is 2.05am right now and in some parts of the world (the irrational ones) that means that it's time for some construction. Ordinarily I would go and do some contruction too but I lost my construction stuff. Maybe the god-damn Oompa Loompas that just materialised RIGHT OUTSIDE MY FUCKING WINDOW will lend me their's. I better get out there quick-smart cos these crazy fuckers won't be doing their stuff tomorrow during normal hours like normal people. I don't get it, I come home each night at around 10pm and they are nowhere to be seen. And then they just, like, are suddenly there, and then they vanish without a trace the next day even before 6am. So magical. Except for me not being able to sleep cos all I can hear is their gay little purple-digger squirrelling around. Jesus Christ. And check out their hot turquoise ensembles. You know what they would love. They would fucking love it so much if I put my speakers out the window and played the some Venga Boys cos I reckon these guys really like to party. Especially with that big disco-light thing.

And see how there are 3 guys working...well there are 4 guys directing foot-traffic. Seriously, they make a diverting walk-way around the construction and have guys posted along the walkway every 10 metres, and they bow at you when you walk through and walk along with you to the next guy so that you don't get lost. That part is ace.

Things to make and do...

Listen to this! It's so so good. You won't regret it. I don't know much about this band, but their music makes you realise how shit come other bands really are, and with that in mind...


Madonna has a new album (Confessions On A Dancefloor) coming out v soon so I just thought I'd give some advance warning. Stay right away from it. It's painful. To save you time these are the alledged confessions:

Confession 1: I can't sing.
Confession 2: I wish I was Kylie.
Confession 3: I would settle for being Dannii.


Read this. David Sedaris is so funny. It's kind of just anecdotes from his life and shit.

Fuji and the sing-song sounds of suicide...

Today me and 2 fantastic friends of mine Minako and Satsuki (above, tucking into the amazing lunch-boxes they packed full of Japanese goodies) headed down to take a look at the lakes around Mt Fuji. Great day! So down near Fuji there is a forest called something but I don't know what. I call it the suicide forest. For obvious reasons. People go there to fuck themselves up. Really, truly fuck themselves up. Like, sitting under the gigantic roots of trees and sitting there to starve. Or hanging themselves but that's a bit passe. Hunger is where it's at. Just ask Mary-Kate and Ashley. Anyways we went down there for some fresh air. Apparently in the forest there are signs and phones and stuff to stop people from playing around. We didn't go into the forest though, that would just be a whole new world of stupid. And I would piss in my pants.

Mt Fuji is so amazing to me still. Every time I see it (which is like never) I just stare like fucking taxidermied squirrel. Anyways, it sometimes has this really eerie ring of cloud around it that looks like time-lapse photography. If you are lucky the crown just lifts off and moves along the sky without changing shape.

Yokohama

Went to Yokohama with my friend Shoji today, it's such a cool city. I'm totally sick at the moment too. And fragile. Didn't have any tantrums though. Anyways that's all. You should all listen to Death Cab for Cuties new album Plans. You will love it. And watch Howl's Moving Castle too. It's the newest Ghibli film (Japanese anime house) and it's sweeter than GI cordial without water.