Is this a convenience store or Toys'R'Us? I'm confused.

So last night my friend Carrie had a slumber party at her place over in Chiba and we all got trashed on Chu-hi. This came to an abrupt halt once we ran out and had to do a runner to get more from the convenience store. Once we arrived our attention became focussed on this crazy critter called Doraemon. After much pathetic pleading, the shop boy went to the back of the store apparently to ask his boss if we could have it. Suprisingly he said no. Unconvinced we went to the back storeroom to confont him, or more so to to expose the shop boy for being a god damn liar. He isn't a liar. The store owner was somewhat suprised/pissed that 2 drunk gaijin were intruding/trespassing. And rightfully so. Regardless the pathetic pleading resumed. Unconvinced, the store owner instead offered us 2, that's right 2!, toys as a replacement for the poxy Doraemon doll. We are now the proud parents of 2 sexy and slutty Mickey and Minnie toys/rats. I'm sure you will all agree that they are shitloads hotter than Doraemon who is a retard.


I have already phoned Michelle to let her know about her new second-best friends.

Turn around bright eyes...

My sexy elfin friend with the crazy nails is Ayumi Hamasaki. She is basically the Queen of Japan. Japan's music industry is the 2nd biggest in the world, and she is the highest selling artist in it and has been for a few years. She is totally the shit and I love her. She's like a Japanese Kylie, except she earns more and she not only looks 23, she is 23. Or like a Japanese Britney, except she's not pregnant nore is she a fat whore. Notice anything interesting about her eyes?

Japanese people are not really known for their "wide-eyed" enthusiasm except maybe during a visit to Hello Kitty Land. This no longer has to be problem. There is a trend here for girls to go on mini-breaks to Korea to check in for some spicy bbq pork and an eye-job. What's an eye-job? Basically it involves giving otherwise-eyelid-fold-deprived J-girls a nice new fold where westerners have their eyelid-folds, as well as slicing the part of the inner eye fold to open it up.

The best thing about eye-jobs is that before they are able to wonder the streets looking permanently like they are being groped on the train, they are doomed to roam/wander/stumbled along looking like a whacked out pirate cos they only get one eye done at a time so they wear a patch to cover it. Sexy.

Underwater wonderland!

So I figured that since I am in possession of a camera that alledgedly loves swimming I should take it to the pool. But it's midnight so I took it to the bathroom instead. And this is what I look like to goldfish, dolphins and that kitten that I drowned this morning. Gorgeous.

What would Jesus do?

digital karma!
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

So the streets of Japan have been decidely mean the past week or so. It seems that the retarded heat here has forced the sexiness to flee the land of the rising sun for more a more livable climate. Regardless, I have been trying to put on a happy/sexy face whilst remaining afloat in the pond of my overwhelming spasticness i.e. not crying cos i lost my wallet. Moving right along, this morning I was coming home from the gym, my eyes scanning the footpath for a clue as to the whereabouts of the aforementioned wallet, when out of the blue I find the sexiest camera to grace this earth hidden in grass. 5 megapixels, goes underwater, and is fucking tiny. So now I am faced with the overwhelming burden of deciding whether to keep the camera or contact the absolutely useless police about it. So I asked Hiroshi my friend and he says to go straight the police, but funnily enough every Australian I have sked says to keep it. How suprising. Thus I have turned to Jesus in this my hour of need.

In other news I have recently discovered that the hamburgers at Mcdonalds are only ¥80. Fucking sweet Jesus!

So what do you reckon? Keep the camera? I think that if/when I get my wallet back I will consider taking it to the police, until then I'm going to go and take photos of myself in the bath. Peace out.

I like the night-life...

Asahi Super-Dry. Very nice.
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

So some people go to a sexy bar, and some go to clubs. Not me. Oh no, I know where the party's at y'all and it's in the ghetto...the ghetto that is Family Mart. That's right, word on the street is that Family Mart is the place to be on a Friday night and that's where I am, right in the middle of all the sexy action. And Asahi Super-Dry...tops.

Burgers with added freshness.

Burgers with added freshness.
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

This is the best hamburger store in Japan, and the name says it all! There is one near my place and a few others around Toyko that I have seen.
The best burgers. Fresh.

Swim faster! I can hear the hideous sounds of an onboard karaoke room!

Humpback whale
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

So you know how Japan loves whale? Not like the way they love Hello Kitty, or the way homos love Kylie. It's more similar to the way I love McDonalds. And it's fucking stupid. I'm all about being accepting of cultural diffences, I'm in my house without shoes on aren't I and I'm sleeping on the floor. But eating whale is too much. Some of you might know about a few little rules here in Japan that are a tad strange/unique such as no blowing your nose in public, no smoking and walking (you could stab a child in the eye with it apparently) and no talking on your phone on the train. Well up until now I have very accepting of the guide to a successful Japanese modern life and have followed all the rules, but not anymore. Not until they stop hunting whales. Does that make me a bad guest?

Inside the machine...

05-06-19_01-01-1
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

So you probably know that I love McDonalds more than most things, including everyone who reads this blog (except you of course!) Anyways found this photo on my phone and after a bit of pondering remembered that I snuck in the back entrance of Maccas in Shibuya the other night. It is like a super well oiled machine! I have never worked there, but I'm pretty sure the McDonalds in Australia is so much shitter than the one in Japan, not only are their burgers awesome but they don't pre-make them. And you can have nuggets as part of your meal instead of fries. How sweet is that. In addition to all the love that McDonalds in Japan already had to give, they are now selling a "Teriyaki Loves Chicken" which is a combo of the regular Teriyaki Pork burger and the McChicken burger. In the ad on TV the two burgers pash, hence the name. Also they have a ¥100 menu, which is McChicken and Cheeseburger and fish nugget things and thickshakes and other stuff all for only ¥100. That's $1. At that price you can't afford not to eat there. So I eat there a lot.

It seems I have more to say about McDonalds than I do about anything else. Does that make me shallow?

more izakaya sexiness!

more izakaya sexiness!
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

Thought these two lovely ladies needed a special spot on my blog! If you have been reading before you will know this is Karryn and Carrie and they are supersexy and supersweet! Their favourite things are drinking from oversized cups, being gorgeous and slumber parties.

Moet makes the world go round!

Moet makes the world go round!
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

So last night me and the sexy lovers decided to get all hot and heavy in Shibuya because our modern lives have been particularly tragic of late. First of all I lost my wallet, but then to make unsexy matters somewhat hideous my friend Karryn got broken into and her laptop got stolen. Totally shit. We were kind of worried that something else would happen because bad things happen in 3s alledgedly, but it's totally cool because another friend get pickpocketed (not cool), hopefully putting an end end to our run as top-seded amateurs in the "My Life Is Falling Apart Championships."

Moving right along, we went to a little Japanese bar that we love in Shibuya and got completely plastered. It was nomihoodai so for ¥2000 ($25) we drank constantly for about 2 hours and ended up partying with these super-wicked Japanese university students who were at the table next to us. Then me and Carrie decided not to catch the last train but to go and buy piccolos of Moet and keep drinking with the boys in Yoyogi Koen which is this huge forest like park that joins Shibuya to Harajuku. Getting our clothes off and swimming in the fountain was a particularly intelligent decision.

Getting home this morning at about 6am sucked a bit. Michelle wasn't too happy about that, since I had promised not to miss the last trains for 1 month. Too bad. Last night was hot.

Michelle needs caffeine...

Michelle needs caffeine...
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

I was chatting to Michelle last night and she came up with a radical 4-step plan to combat my careless/wallet-losing ways!

1. No vending machine coffee or beverages for 1 month. I probably get about 3 or 4 a day from work. Not anymore. And none for Michelle either, which will be tough given her undying love of American Coffee in a can. I think maybe she just loves the slutty chick on the can. I secretly think Michelle might be a lesbian.

2. No more bottled water for 1 month. I have been thinking about cutting back for a while. It's a bit strange that everytime I go grocery shopping about half of the bill is for water/juice/beer/wine. So no more of that. Tap water in Japan is choice so there shall be no problems.

3. Last trains! For 1 month I am going to catch every last train from Tokyo to my place after partying in the city. Missing these puts a huge dent into your wallet, and can triple the cost of a night out.

4. No more cigs. At ¥300 per pack they are an absolute steal, and you can't afford not to smoke. But I figure now is as good a time as any to try to stop. I'm not heavy into smoking, but since I have been here I have been going through about 2 packs a week. No more! This was Michelle's idea too cos she hates making out with a smoker.

So wish me luck! It will be a bit like the 40 hour famine, except without the incentive of pocketing the sponsorship $ that you told the World Vision people you "lost". Sexy.

hold on michelle...

hold on michelle...
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

Michelle also likes feeling the wind in her hair on the back of a strangers motor-bike. She is particularly fond of doing this at about 3 in the morning over in Chiba, and she prefers that the motor-bike is owned by a stranger who is probably in the Japanese mafia.

Meet Michelle!

Michelle!
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

Michelle's favourite things are Jack Daniels, indie-rock music and she is very excited about the new Batman movie. Michelle hates ignorant people, rainy weather, and just like me she hates cucumber.

pastel peanut m&m's. totally gay, and totally jedi.

pastel peanut m&m's. totally gay, and totally jedi.
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

In an attempt to aviod thinking about the harshness of losing my wallet, I went on a bit of binge last night with some friends.

Started off with some boozing at home with duty free i had left in the freezer, perfect for such emergencies, and then some super-sexy peanut m&m's. Whoever thought that Star Wars m&m's should be pastel pink and yellow and green and blue is retarted. Don't you think they should be a bit tougher, maybe blood red, or light-sabre green or dead-of-night-black?

Awesome night, topped off by hitting this wicked restaurant with Carrie where we ate shitloads of awesome Japanese food, and stole this sexy/filthy little rabbit/rat toy who I have named Michelle.

The worst day ever...

So I've been pretty/totally poor for the past while, waiting to get paid. Getting cashed up monthly sucks ass, so hard to make my ¥ go the distance! Anyways, got paid last night, straight to the pub, few beers later thought it would be a great idea to get cashed up for the next couple of weeks. Such a fucking retard! So then in this shit weather this morning I was running to the station and lost my wallet. So dumb. And so much money! And my ID and cards etc. Suppose this happens to everyone once in a while, but this shit happens to me all the time. Now there is probably this school girl going on a disney-character buying rampage at toys'r'us. If you see any J-girls with more shopping bags than they can carry, steal them, return the stuff and send me the ¥! Convincing the man at the station to let me ride the train for free so that I could go to the bank only made it shitter.

But as I have said before, I'm all about making it through the wilderness, so I'll soldier on. And tonight is beer night and tomorrow is a serious wilderness day! Heading to the forest somewhere with my super-friend Carrie. Don't know where, but I'm sure our urban-jungle survival skills will keep us on the right track.

Anyway, hope you are all hot. Take it easy people. And watch out for rich Japanese teenagers.

Andrew.

Hands up if you love noodle sandwiches!

So apparently it was essential for the convenience store near my apartment to create noodle sandwiches. Essential indeed! They rule, though I get the sneaking suspition they get their noodles from the dodgy ramen store next door. Regardless, get your asses to the supermarket, buy some noodles, cook them, stick them in bread. Sexy.

Mother's milk!

Mother's milk!
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

So I'm totally over working on Sunday's. I feel like I'm 14 again, working at KFC on the weekends. Seriously, working on the weekends is for children and people in third-world countries. Over it. In other news, my new favourite thing is Green Apple flavoured Chu-hi. For those of you not familiar with this most essential of beverages, Chu-hi is like the shit we have in Australia that is basically just premixed drinks for girls and homos except that Chu-hi is fruity-licious and a total dream come true. You know when you would drink straight cordial accidentally (or deliberately)? Well it's like that, but you get fully pissed. And Green Apple flavour lets you think you are frollicking in an orchard at the same time. Very sexy.

The second or third happiest place on earth!

at the front of my house
Originally uploaded by andrewsomewhere.

Yesterday me and my sexy friends went on a super-adventure of gargantuan(?) proportions...Tokyo Disneyland! So sweet. I had been wanting to go there for ages, but my penny-piching ways stopped me. So anyways, off we went for the funnest day ever. One of the funnest anyway. Suprise, suprise there was not one tantrum all day.

Tokyo Disneyland is equally as ace as Disneyland in LA but without the threat of being injured by a toppling body, felled by the combined effects of gravity and morbid obesity. The characters ot Tokyo Disneyland are total bitches though. They have no love to share. I think this was because Mickey gets all the action and has his own house whilst the minor characters have to deal with the onslaught of Japanese teenagers. And onslaughts of Japanese teenagers are to be avoided at all costs. Just watch Battle Royale.

All in all a supertops day.

Touched for the very first time...

Hi this is Andrew, I'm living just out of Tokyo in Sagamihara at the moment. My favourite things are 6-10 lane freeways, public transport and Japanese cooking shows. My least favourite things are being bored, being lost, and being lost with boring people.

This is the first post on my sexy new blog. I'm a total virgin at this so hopefully it won't all get completely derailed by lack of computing prowess. Anyway I hope you like it, and I hope that you do everything I say to in this blog. And everything you read is true. And anything that is a lie you should just repeat until it is true anyway.

Peace out.